i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
