i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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