ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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