The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
