My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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