Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
