i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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