Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone shit on the floor
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
