Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The air was thick with penises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
