I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
