Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
