I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
