Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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