that's an acceptable place to lick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
