is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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