oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
