The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
