how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
