So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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