Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
