May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
