She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He felt like a one man threesome
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
