Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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