Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
