I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
