he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
