so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
