Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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