I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
