You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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