guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
