Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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