There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
