my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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