dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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