I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
