Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
