I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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