I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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