we're blogging at a bar
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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