Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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