i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
