Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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