Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
