You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
