Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
