Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
