Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
two words: eviction party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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