I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
