the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
