I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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