last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're like the curious george of whores
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
