OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
