I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
