It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
