vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come on in and take your pants off
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