she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
