in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found puke in my bra..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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