Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
