Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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