Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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