playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
