I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
