I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
