The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
