You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize